not born yesterday courage and cowardice

In this feature, nby tries to keep some big issues simple without being simplistic. In recent years, politicians of all Parties have tried hard to persuade us that - in almost every case where principles were more important than pragmatism - there were 'extenuating circumstances' or 'special considerations' that had to be taken into account.

At the end of this road lies always doing the easy thing - always bottling out, always sacrificing the goals to the tactics, always doing the convenient rather than the correct.

In a basis as regular as we spot courage and cowardice being displayed in public life, this page will try to monitor the progress of each issue - and savage those who lack the moral bravery to do the right thing.

This is not meant to be purism, or 'holier than thou' - rather an attempt to lift us out of the lowest common denominator.

Gordon will like this page; he's very good at lifting things out of things. People out of poverty, EU Treaties out of the mire.....

mandy shock as early-onset alzheimer's strikes

Gauleiter Von der Bumm....forgetful

European Rough Trade Commissioner Peter Mandelson stunned an audience of newshounds last Wednesday when he completely forgot the Irish referendum had happened, and - more disturbing - the difference between an answer and a question.

Said Mr Fondofbum, "I think we're too defensive in Europe, in the Commission, amongst the member states -- we are a bit defeatist. We seem to think that if people are asking questions about Europe, it's because they are hostile -- it may be just because they're asking questions".

But later, an embarassed Irish Premier Brian Cowen said "It was an understandable mistake for an arrogant twat to make, but just to recap here, we asked the question, and the Irish people gave the answer.The job now is to ignore them, not get things the wrong way round".

This morning, Health dissembler Alan Jobsdone admitted "Peter's been having problems with the memory thing for some years now. It started with the difference between his money and somebody else's, and has since gone on to chaps he's had sex with and who he hasn't.It's all very sad."

But Opposition standup Daffodil McMoron dismissed Mr Jobsworth's 'crocodile tears' as 'just more petrol sprinkled onto a fire that refuses to dry up if only we could find some at the pumps hahaha'. He went on, "Will the Minister confirm or deny that the NHS denied Mr Fondlebum Aricept when he needed it eight years ago?". He went on. And on and on and on.

RECENT EXAMPLES OF SENSORY PERCEPTION PROBLEMS

French Europe Minister Jean-Pierre Jouyet: "I don't think you can say the treaty of Lisbon is dead even if the ratification process will be delayed."

German Foreign Minister Frank-Walter: "We are sticking with our goal for it to come into force. The ratification process must continue."

Spanish Europe Minister Lopez Garrido: "The treaty will be applied, albeit a few months late."

European Commission President Jose Barroso: "The Treaty is not dead. The Treaty is alive, and we will try to work to find a solution."

British Foreign Minister David Miliband: "18 countries have now passed the reform treaty...each country must see the ratification process to a conclusion... there needs to be a British view as well as an Irish view."*

*This one is a belter given that Avid Rubberband told a couple of mates last Sunday, "No - the treaty's dead - we've all got to get used to it". Or not.

Courageous bulimia victim and former desktop fornicator John Pressgut caught on camera by Heat magazine after a binge at fast-food chain Eat all the Pies.

Those who have read his book My struggle to stop being a greedy Bar-stweard remain confused about the exact form of Mr Fleshpot's eating disorder. Bulimics being typified by a concern about their weight coupled with a desire to pig out and then vomit, he seems to have been prone to all these factors,up to but not including the 'losing weight' part.

His other afflictions included jagophilia, landgraboli, jollymania and Bitosexia.

Freedom-fighter David Davis kicked off his web-viral campaign with typical bravery by allowing himself to be photographed in his Melvyn Bragg persona. Said a spokesman for DD's campaign, "David is intrigued that the somewhat unhinged Andy Burnham sees him as Mr Legover, and decided that to look a bit rakish and totty-shagger, he should have a Melvynover." (Also note attractive shoulder-growths. Ed.)

Not BornYesterday

courage & cowardice

GUTS FOR GARTERS